OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Green mimosas i think yes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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