If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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