This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
