Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
