Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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