Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
