I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
