She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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