I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
