Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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