Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
