I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you win again, gameday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
