Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
