I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize