My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
