I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thus making me awesome and them whores
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
