I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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