Is it because I queefed?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
