I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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