I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All the doctor said was why
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
