i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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