I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
