I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize