I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
