**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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