I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
