so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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