we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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