I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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