My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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