So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
