I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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