she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
