matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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