Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh god the rape fog is back!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
