god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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