I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
