chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
