they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
