That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm always down for nudity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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