I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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