Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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