Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize