One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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