do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize