We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
