Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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