The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
