Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
