remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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