Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I didn't notice because vodka
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
