U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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