some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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