i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
