Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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