if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
