the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
