i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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