I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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