Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
