What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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