dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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