Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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