Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
