Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
