Tell her she can't have a vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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