I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
