this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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